I miss my mom.
She isn’t dead, so it’s a little weird to write.
But I miss her in the way I miss a close friend I haven’t called in a while.
And in either situation, it’s selfish not to think they’d appreciate a call.
We don’t keep in touch like we should. Or how I think we’re supposed to, which is more often. In the movies, those relationships seem closer. It seems like other people stay close in reality, too. In my head, that’s the right way. In my head, I wonder how they do it.
Or maybe more people regret keeping in touch with their family than I realize. It’s comforting to think I’m not alone either way and others feel the pangs of guilt like I do.
By the way, this doesn’t mean I’m going to call her tomorrow. Because, in all likelihood, she’s just as shitty at keeping in touch as I am.
Been thinking about that a lot lately. What are the things she gave me as a person, even if I don’t talk to her every day as the person I’ve become? The person
she’s become?
I know she taught me to be social, outgoing, and kind. I grew up in hair salons as my mom’s right-hand little man. I’d chat up everyone, making friends with whomever. All walks of life, too, because it was the beauty school, and we were a little broke. You know how much a salon blowout costs? Maybe she taught me to be frugal, too.
She taught me not to judge others. My mom dedicated her life and career to being a nurse, mostly dealing with mentally ill people. There’s more acceptance of mental illness today, but not then.
She cared for those whom no one else would care for. For years at the clinic Christmas party, I’d dress like an elf, handing out gifts to people with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and others looked down on by society.
I never walked out of those parties thinking those people were different than me, or lesser than me, or somehow not worthy of love.
My mom served them — and still does — with a smile on her face, offering support, care, love, medical treatment, respect.
She never said to me directly why it was important. I just followed her lead.
And it sticks to my ribs today. It defines who I am today.
It’s selfish to think she doesn’t need a phone call explaining how much that means to me today.
Ryan Patrick Hooper is the host of In the Groove on 101.9 WDET, Detroit’s NPR station (weekdays from noon to 3 p.m.).
This story originally appeared in the May 2025 issue of Hour Detroit magazine. To read more, pick up a copy of Hour Detroit at a local retail outlet. Our digital edition will be available on May 5.
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