Going to college is a significant milestone for both students and parents. As your child prepares to embark on this new chapter, you will need to navigate a complex landscape of decisions, from choosing the right institution to managing finances and emotional readiness.
“Remember that it is your kid who is going to have to live with the choice or to take corrective action later,” says Timothy Shanahan, distinguished professor emeritus at the University of Illinois Chicago. “That does not mean you cannot be a big help. Ask questions rather than giving advice.”
Shanahan says parents should ask their high schoolers the following: How far away from home do you want to be? How big a school do you want to attend? What do you want to study? What extracurriculars do you think you will be interested in? What did you like about that campus when you visited?
The first step is to find colleges that align with your child’s academic aspirations, personal preferences, and career goals. Look beyond rankings and dive into faculty ability, research opportunities, and curriculum specifics.
“Kids often try to make this big decision based on very narrow criteria: My friend is going there, I met somebody I liked when I visited, the cafeteria food was good,” Shanahan says. “All those are reasonable considerations, but none should be the determining factor. Asking questions can help your student to consider everything that matters.”
Choosing a college is not just about academics; it is about finding a place where your child will thrive personally and intellectually. Encourage your child to visit campuses, talk to current students, and envision themselves in that environment. Consider the size of the student body, the social scene, the overall atmosphere, the travel costs, the distance, and accessibility.
“College is a time to experiment, to meet kids who are different, to take on new ideas, to have new experiences,” Shanahan says. “When talking to college students, ask whether they were happy with their choice; find out what they like best about their college as well as what they would change. Their important insights may suggest aspects of the college experience that you never thought of.”
Weighing the Costs
Since college affordability is crucial, explore tuition fees, financial aid options, and potential scholarships. The cost of college can be daunting, but with careful planning, you can make it manageable.
“Look into work-study programs at the university, which can offer ways to work on campus that will not interfere with class and study time,” says Lynn Dawson, a Chippewa Valley Schools counselor in Macomb County. “The internet is full of scholarships just waiting for applications.”
Dawson says parents need to encourage their child to research and apply for scholarships, setting a goal to apply for a certain number of scholarships per week and actually scheduling time to make that happen. Organizations offer scholarships based on academic merit, extracurricular involvement, or specific interests.
The Free Application for Federal Student Aid (more commonly known as the FAFSA) decides students’ eligibility for grants, loans, and work-study programs. A significant number of students are eligible for aid and grants after completing those forms.
Creating a realistic budget that includes tuition, fees, housing, books, and living expenses is essential, too.
“Do not assume you won’t qualify for financial aid,” Dawson says. “The FAFSA considers various factors, and you might be surprised at the assistance you can receive. Also, explore scholarships beyond the well-known ones; there are niche scholarships available.”
Transition Tactics
Dawson says sending your child off to college is an emotional experience for both of you. Talk openly about expectations, concerns, and anxieties. Encourage your child to express their feelings and offer your support.
Foster independence by teaching essential life skills such as time management, budgeting, and problem-solving. Recognize that your role is shifting from a primary caregiver to a supportive mentor and allow your child to navigate their college experience with increasing autonomy.
“The transition to college can be challenging emotionally,” Dawson says. “Students may experience homesickness, anxiety, or academic pressure. Encourage them to seek support from campus resources like counseling services and student support groups.”
Dawson says parents should remind their child that it is normal to feel mixed emotions, from excitement to homesickness. Having a plan for connection to family, such as a set time for calls and visits, will help students continue to foster relationships at home and feel secure while they’re away.
As the departure date approaches, focus on practical preparations. Create a packing list that includes essentials like clothing, toiletries, electronics, and personal items.
“Practical preparations can alleviate stress during the transition,” Dawson says. “Encourage your child to connect with their roommate beforehand, familiarize themselves with the campus layout, and know where to find essential services like the library and health center.”
Dawson says to make sure your child’s health records are up to date and discuss health insurance coverage. Help your child familiarize themselves with online learning platforms and ensure they have a reliable laptop and internet access. Discuss campus safety measures and encourage your child to be aware of their surroundings.
Your support does not end once your child is on campus. Maintain regular communication through calls, texts, or video chats, but respect their need for space and independence.
“Be available to offer advice and support when needed but encourage your child to seek solutions independently,” Dawson says. “Plan occasional visits to show your support but avoid overwhelming your child with frequent presence. The parent-child relationship evolves during college.”
It is about finding a balance between offering support and allowing your child to grow into their own. Trust that you have equipped them with the tools they need to succeed. Sending your child to college is a momentous occasion that marks the beginning of their independent adult life.
You can help your child navigate this transition successfully and embark on a fulfilling college experience. Your role as a parent evolves, but your support stays crucial as your child takes their first steps into adulthood.
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